Features

For what it’s worth, I plan on posting a retrospective of all of the March movies I’ve seen. Unfortunately, with Adventureland being pushed back to April 3, you’ll have to wait a few days before hearing the Manifesto’s prestigious thoughts on Duplicity, I Love You, Man, and other features (although anyone who missed my brilliant, bloated analysis of Watchmen can examine it here). But for the record, I’m mystified by the new release date for Adventureland. Assuming it was done for box-office reasons (it’s not like they needed to tweak with the editing, right?), would you rather your teenage-oriented movie compete against Monsters vs. Aliens (a family-friendly kiddie movie) or Fast & Furious (an actioner marketed squarely to the same teen demographic)? If anyone out there has an explanation for this, by all means clue me in, but when Fast & Furious pulls in $50 million this weekend and Adventureland struggles to crack double digits, Miramax will have itself to blame.

(On the plus side, the buzz for Adventureland is growing increasingly positive. It’s hard to say which I’m more excited about this weekend, the release of the movie or my fantasy baseball draft. O.K., it’s the draft, but still, I’m pumped for Adventureland, and you should be too.)

Anyway, Adventureland aside, the best word to characterize April’s theatrical release schedule is feeble. As someone who unashamedly adores movies (even, God forbid, modern movies), I generally refrain from gloom-and-doom pessimism, but it’s difficult for even the most hearty theatregoer to approach April with more than minimal enthusiasm. Sure, there are a few films I’m excited to see (three, to be precise), but I had to struggle just to fill out a top five, which is severely discouraging. (I couldn’t in good conscience include James Toback’s documentary Tyson or Dito Montiel’s Fighting – Toback is a hack, and Montiel’s first movie, A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, annoyed me.) Furthermore, the gargantuan shadow of May looms, when the blockbuster season officially begins and my teenage soul gets revved up, so it’s hard not to look past spring’s opening month.

Nevertheless, there’s always the possibility that I’m unaware of an upcoming release or that a movie will exceed my expectations, so I’m not hanging my head just yet. Regardless, here are the Manifesto’s five most highly anticipated releases of April – as always, sound off in the Comments about what you’re excited to see. Read More

One of my favorite parts of writing the Manifesto in years past was when I would break from Oscars’ analysis and look ahead to the upcoming summer season (or, as was the case in 2007, the entire year), attempting to forecast the hottest pending theatrical releases. Forgive my leanings toward divination, but there’s something exciting about gazing into the unknown. It’s not really about prognostication – I’m not interested in showcasing my predictive prowess regarding which films will be hits and which will be duds. It’s more about building anticipation. One of the marvelous things about movies is that you never know when you’ll next see a great one, and it’s fun to peer into the future and question just when and what that will be.

Of course, in the past, I could only perform this ritual of cinematic stargazing once a year, as the Manifesto was issued annually to coincide with the Oscars. Now, however, I’m the author of this fancy, ever-evolving blog and am no longer subject to the tyranny of that ceremony; in fact, I can write about whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want. It’s quite liberating, really. Read More

When I was a senior in high school. I made my first ever mix CD. This wasn’t a romantic gesture for a girl (although, er, that might have happened at a later date) but just a way to consolidate some music that I liked. Fifteen tracks long, it included such erstwhile hits as Don McLean’s “American Pie”, Van Morrison’s “Brown-Eyed Girl”, and Tom Petty’s “Free Falling”. In addition to a thoroughly enjoyable compendium of songs, the CD (which eventually grew to possess the imaginative title of Beck Mix I) also functioned as an indicator of sorts, a beacon broadcasting one unavoidable fact: I knew absolutely nothing about popular music.

This wasn’t really my fault. Growing up, the dinner-table music at my house generally alternated between Rossini, Dvorak, and Les Misérables. I never listened to the radio. I never bought CDs. Short of hearing popular songs featured in movies (the first time I heard The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” was when I watched Almost Famous in 2000), I suffered no exposure to the corrosive, addictive influence of pop music. Read More

For all of my supposed self-deprecation, I actually pride myself on quite a few things in life. I’m unbelievably quick utilizing the keystrokes in Microsoft Excel. I instinctively know how to wire a TV set without reading a manual. I can play shortstop successfully in softball despite being left-handed. I can recite the entire offensive starting lineup of the 1992 Houston Oilers from memory, as well as most of the defense. And of course, I’m an unstoppable weapon in certain trivia subjects, particularly Harry Potter, Star Wars, and softcore porn.

In addition to these worthy talents, I like to think I’m a successful prognosticator. Not in terms of predicting the results of sporting events, mind you (boy, these NBA Playoffs sure are tricky), or even in prophesying Oscar winners, my supposed area of expertise (don’t get me started on Trash). I do believe, however, that I have the sight when it comes to forecasting future stardom for upcoming actors and actresses, as I’ve accurately heralded success for a variety of aspiring actors when their fame was in its relative infancy. These include – but are not limited to – Tobey Maguire (after Pleasantville but before Cider House Rules and way before Spider-man), Charlize Theron (after her pantheon nude scene in 2 Days in the Valley, before her pantheon nude scene in The Devil’s Advocate), and, of course, Keira Knightley (after Bend It Like Beckham, before Pirates of the Caribbean). The latter remains one of the greatest accomplishments of my life, along with guiding Warren Moon to an 8,500-yard passing season in Tecmo Bowl and leading the league in infield hits last softball season. Read More

I know this is supposed to be a movie blog, but I need to veer into music for a bit, and besides, given that I’ve published exactly one new post since the publication of the latest Manifesto, it’s not as if I’m radically changing the tone of the site. Before I start, a couple of disclaimers:

Disclaimer #1: I am not a music critic. I fully admit that I have absolutely no idea how to properly write a review of an album. In fact, only recently have I been listening to albums in their entirety and evaluating songs in the context of an overall record, rather than on an individual basis. Therefore, it is safe to say that I am poorly schooled in the theory of musical criticism. So anyone who reads this post and determines that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, well, now you know why. Read More